Monday, January 11, 2010

It's no secret that the past few months have been a rocky road for me since the illness and death of my grandfather. I feel like I've been slogging through my days since mid-October. It's funny, I never realized the river of grief was so deep, but there are days where I feel like it's just swallowed me whole. There are days were a wave of sadness just crashes over me like an angry sea. and I just don't see it coming.

So I think the new year should bring a new lightness to my days. And I've decided that if I am to truly honor my grandfather's memory and the way he lived his life, I am going to base my resolutions this year on him. I just got through re-reading his autobiography and it helped me to prioritize the changes I want to see this year.

{Resolution One - Grow Spiritually}
I want to improve my relationship with God starting with the intent of praying before our family meals. I've never been a very good "out loud" prayer, but this is one of the things I actually promised my grandpa that I would work on.

{Resolution Two - Live in the Moment}
I actually think I do a pretty good job of this now, just sit back and enjoy the day as it comes. Revel in lying in bed watching cartoons with the kids, appreciating that cup of hot tea John has waiting for me in the mornings. Take the day and feel the gratitude instead of worrying about what "I should be doing."

{Resolution Three - Let Go of the Guilt}
My grandpa was incredibly fit, yet enjoyed dessert every day of his life. I want to find that balance. To not feel that nagging sense of guilt because I enjoyed a cheeseburger or a little too much time on the couch with a good book. I deserve these little moments in moderation.

{Resolution Four - Lose the Need for Perfection}
Let it go. That needs to be my mantra for this new year. This will, of all my resolutions, be the hardest. But I can already see Jackbird struggling with the need for perfectionism (which I am fighting tooth and nail) and I know that it's not all that healthy. I don't need to be the perfect wife, mother, cook, whatever... I just need to do the best I can and hold myself up to reachable ideals - not the impossible. Doing my best is good enough.

{Resolution Five - Love My Family Even More}
Yes, this one is all too easy. But don't we need to include at least one resolution that we know is easily attainable? I want to make sure that I love my family in such a way that they feel it in the little things; that there is never a question on my unconditional love for them. Whether it be in a little note in Jack's lunchbox or the extra dollop of patience when I think I have none left to share. You never know when you'll leave this world, and I want to make sure I don't leave anything left unsaid.

So that's the list. And I'm holding myself accountable. I'll be talking about my resolutions each month in a post. Keeping track of whether I'm sticking to my goals.

What are your resolutions for the year?

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  1. PS~Erin1:48 AM

    Sounds like a fulfilling list!

    Jack looks so much like his daddy in that cupcake picture!

  2. amy and ann1:56 AM

    beautiful list!

    please...letshang out soon. I so miss you friend. amy

  3. Callie Grayson2:16 AM

    Lovely list!! Your 2010 will be filled with light and love with this list:)

  4. LobotoME2:20 AM

    Wonderful list! Thanks for sharing ~

  5. ms. less is always more4:28 AM

    These are great resolutions... they are practical with great potential outcomes. I am with you in the struggle on #3, is it a female thing? I always struggle with this!

  6. Dionne5:14 AM

    Great resolutions, Tonya! Love them all!

    Mine are:

    1. Get more involved in our church, not just be someone who attends, but someone who contributes to it.

    2. Get even closer to God. I don't want to just be a Sunday Christian. I want my life to be an everyday testimony to Him.

  7. Joyce6:56 AM

    Sounds like the PERFECT list. I bet your grandfather is smiling down right now saying "that a girl"!

    Some days lead us in a direction... the last couple of days I have been missing my dad and I think he lead me to your post today. Thank you T! xo

  8. Joanna7:11 AM

    Those are wonderful resolutions. So easily spoken, but truly will be a challenge. I hope you are able to accomplish all of them and be a happier and better person for doing just that. :)

  9. **WE BLOG ARTISTS**10:12 AM

    Oh Tonya...I felt like that after my gran passed a couple of years ago...I love all your resolutions. I have quite a few too...one is to not waste time...I have SO much to work on and procrastination is something which is being thrown out the window this year...
    Then Family ofcourse and spending time...quality time with them.
    HUGS...lovely post.

  10. erikamommy12:16 PM

    well said my friend. i strive for all of those things as well.

  11. All great resolutions...love them!Happy New Year!

  12. What a great way to honor your granddad. My mom passed away over the holidays and I can't believe how the feelings will wash over me when I least expect it.

    I like to think I will honor my mom by living a good life myself.